NCAA Articles
To Avoid Upsets, Preseason #1 Florida Makes Proposal to Play All Games on Paper
Written by Andy   
Friday, 07 August 2009 15:22

Florida Gators logo
Originally uploaded by bjmcdonald
In what is being viewed as a revolutionary move, the Florida Gators, who are ranked #1 in the preseason coaches poll, have asked the NCAA if all 2009 games can just be played on paper.

"It makes a lot of sense if this passes," says a member of the Florida athletic department. "I mean, if we're #1, then we're favored in every game, right? Well, by playing the games 'on paper', we are guaranteed to go undefeated and be named national champions."

Proponents of this plan say it makes just as much sense as the BCS.
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To Avoid Another Cheating Scandal, Florida State Athletes Will No Longer Attend Class
Written by Andy   
Tuesday, 28 July 2009 13:47

The Florida State University
Originally uploaded by J-a-x

With their head coach, Bobby Bowden, chasing Joe Paterno for most career victories, along with the possiblity of having some wins taken away, the Florida State football team is not taking any chances. To avoid another cheating scandal, athletes will no longer be allowed to attend class.

"It's a drastic move, I know," says Bowden, "but to keep these players from their daggum cheating, the best thing we know to do at Florida State is to keep them out of class entirely. It you're not in class, you can't cheat can you?"

Florida State Athletic Director Randy Spetman added, "We kind of had this policy already, but it just wasn't written down. So what we did was make it a formal, written policy. Athletes will no longer be allowed to attend class. It's best for our entire program at this time."

Surprisingly Florida State is not the only school with this policy. It has been in place at USC, Texas, Oklahoma, Nebraska, Ohio State, Michigan, West Virginia, Miami and the entire SEC for some time.

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Steve Spurrier Makes Amends; Votes Tim Tebow First Team All-Virgin
Written by Andy   
Sunday, 26 July 2009 11:29

Steve Spurrier
Originally uploaded by Kelly M. Lambert
To make up for not initially voting Tim Tebow preseason first team all SEC quarterback, the 'ol ball coach, Steve Spurrier, has voted Tim Tebow first team all-virgin.

"He's a talented kid," said Spurrier, "and if he supposedly passed on this girl or this girl, not to mention all the hotties at the University of Florida, then he's the best virgin QB in America."

In related news, being named pre-season all SEC was voted second most overrated in the conference, just behind Steve Spurrier.
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Urban Meyer to Lane Kiffin - Welcome to the SEC
Written by Andy   
Monday, 20 July 2009 19:09
Great news!! No, we landed on the moon in 1969. We have looked into the future (or was it somehow the 1800s?) and have video of Lane Kiffin/Urban Meyer I. Welcome to the SEC, Lane. **WARNING!!** May be unsuitable for Tennessee fans.


[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdk8QPen_H8&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6&border=1]
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