Tiger Woods Return Inspiring Nation's Adulterous Husbands
Written by Andy   
Friday, 09 April 2010 14:00
AUGUSTA, GA - APRIL 10: Tiger Woods lines up a putt on the sixth green during the third round of the 2010 Masters Tournament at Augusta National Golf Club on April 10, 2010 in Augusta, Georgia. (Photo by Harry How/Getty Images)

Tiger Woods return to golf has been an inspiration to adulterous husbands all across the country. Cheating husbands were in need of encouragement for quite some time, and Tiger Woods has given them a much needed boost.

"I feel so uplifted," said Carl Rackelford of Trenton, fresh off a six-month affair with his secretary Julie. "Like Tiger, I've endured difficult hardships - the lying, the secret meetings, hiding text messages. I took an indefinite leave of absence to go to 'rehab' too. Actually, I went to Cabo for a few weeks, but I'm sure my wife and kids took that pretty hard."

Mikey Toney of Colorado Springs had countless affairs, numerous one night stands, and is now in the process of separating from his wife of seven years, Rebecca. At first he was ashamed of his behavior, but thanks to Tiger's return, he feels no shame at all whatsoever.

"The public usually portrays cheating husbands as the bad guy," said Toney. "But thanks to Tiger's return to the Masters and all the positive attention he's drawing, I think we've been able to shake that stigma. A two-timing cheat can finally be called a hero."

Adulterous husbands can be proud again, says Toney. They no longer need to blame themselves for devastating a devoted, loving wife and family.

"That birdie he had on the 6th hole made me feel so good. It's like I didn't even ruin my marriage. Technically, I still ruined it - since I was caught in the act and all, but thanks to Tiger, I don't have to feel bad about it anymore. Not one bit."

 

Special Comment: Tiger-Rama at Augusta (Randall Simon's Sausages)
Tiger Woods ends absence with strong start at Masters (ESPN)

Comments (2)Add Comment
...
written by mookie @ A Stern Warning, April 12, 2010
Quality satire - love it!
...
written by RFS, April 12, 2010
Much appreciated! You just gotta marvel at Tiger and how he was able to golf again despite bringing every one of his problems on himself. Truly inspirational.

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